solid core self

8/20/11

Last week, I attended the weekly meditation led by Tara Brach.  Although calm and still she did her fair share of smiling and kept the atmosphere light with jokes amid such serious topics as addiction and “wanting mind.”  Embodying what it feels like to want something (so bad it hurts) each of us had the physical feeling of what many of us feel emotionally—not enough.  She reminded us that actually we are.  We are enough.  We are okay, right where we are, in any moment.

Maybe you’re thinking, “But enough is not enough.  I want to be great.” or “I am great, why don’t other people notice?”  It seems sometimes like our world is set up to entertain, to entice, to entangle but when we get stuck in life’s wb, worldwide or otherwise, we don’t know how we got there.  Getting stuck can be a disorienting and disempowering feeling.  And too many of us get accustomed to it.

Lately I’ve been trying to integrate this feeling into my consciousness, that I am just right, here and now.  That I have a solid core self, that is untouchable, safe, and strong.  The image shifts, but often it is a red fiery ball warming me when the world feels cold.  Is it my intuition?  My soul?  I don’t need the answer.  I just (need to) know it’s there.  My external self might be battered by the winds of life or excited by new possibilities, but the core is the real me, holding me steady, reminding me that nothing on the outside is as important as what’s deep within.  Remembering about the core is the challenging part.  Challenges, though tough, help me.

When you walk around in your life, or more significantly, when you are sitting alone at home, can you picture that solid core self?  What does it look like?  If you don’t feel it or see it or believe, did you ever?  Who convinced you that you were not enough, that you needed external validation to be a worthy person?

Whatever has taken you down, down the path of self-criticism, of hopelessness or doubt, of seeming paralysis, I invite you to let it go.  What if the negative thoughts and opinions in your life are the opposite of the truth?

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